We’ve all heard the question. Especially on Kauai. Why did the chicken cross … well, you know the rest.
Here’s the thing, not long ago, a Kauai chicken went only halfway across the road, Kuhio Highway to be specific, near The Garden Island offices, and stopped. For lunch. Perilous, ‘eh? Furthermore, against all parental safety advice, she brought her kids along.
“Hey kids, here’s a great spot! Nice breeze, lots to see. Let’s peck away at this slice of bread then mosey on over to KFC. Oh, wait, maybe not KFC …”
To put this impending-disaster story into a positive mode, I must tell you that it all ends well, but here’s the rest of the story. I contacted Deputy Robert Moakane, the island’s noted “Rooster Whisperer,” who has an uncanny rapport with some unique roosters, and we arranged to meet near the spot. We hoped to find the fowl family for a chat. Deputy Moakane was intrigued, and here’s a recap of the “conversation” with the hen’s mate and chicks’ dad:
“Hi mister rooster, can we chat?”
“Sure, what’s on my mind?”
“Ha, got it. I think we’ve met before, I’m Deputy Moakane.”
“Yes, I know. My name’s Red, and yes you interviewed me a while ago. And now you want to talk about why one of my wives took some of my little kids halfway across the street, don’t you? I wasn’t pleased.”
“So, yes, that’s the topic. What was she thinking?”
“Well, to tell you the truth, I don’t know. She’s not one of my smartest wives. But she’s cute. How about those tail feathers, ‘eh?”
“I understand that a thoughtful human sped between the cars to aid her rescue and moved the bread slice off the road to get your little family to a safer place.”
“Yes, I watched that. Very scary. I’m grateful for the help, and I appreciate the chance to tell a human. You’re the only one I know that I can communicate with.”
“Well, that’s very cool. I’ll pass your thoughts along. That is, as soon as I figure out how to tell someone without sounding nuts. So Red, a couple more questions. How many wives and kids do you have and how do you keep track of them?”
“Gosh, well, I’m not good with numbers, as you might guess. Most chickens aren’t. But I know that all those hens and chicks by the museum and park are mostly mine. There’s a bunch of skinny ones at Polihale and several really wet ones in Hanalei. They sneeze a lot. That’s about all the family I can remember.”
“Sounds like lots of step-chicks. You do get around.”
“Yeah, kind of fun, actually.”
“Well Red, I gotta go. Been nice to chat. Where are you going now?”
“I’m going across the road. To get to another slice.”
•••
Roger Lepley is a frequent visitor to Kauai.
