Thanks to the American Academy of Pediatrics, we know that kids who learn from their parents about the dangers of underage drinking, illicit drugs, tobacco use, dangerous driving and other risky behaviors are less likely to engage in them. From setting expectations and rules to monitoring your teen, to being a good role model, here are some tips on using your time to focus on your teen’s healthy growth and positive future.
Try to do daily:
— Know your teen’s main activities and plans for the day.
— Know where your teens are when you are at work or not with them, and who they are likely to be with.
— If appropriate for the day, remind your teen about relevant rules.
— At the end of the day, ask about your teen’s activities.
— Praise and thank your teen for good behavior
— Check that homework and other responsibilities have been completed.
— Try to have family meals together or engage in a family activity on a regular basis.
Try to do weekly:
— Take some time to check in with each child. Set 20 minutes aside to find out how friendships are going, what’s happening at school and what other events are important in your teen’s life.
— Ask your teen mid-week if there are any special plans for the weekend that require your input. Do this early to avoid last-minute conflict.
— Every one in a while, check that your teens are where they say they are going to be.
— Encourage your teen to have a friend over or do fun activities together.
— Remind your teen about weekday/weekend rules when appropriate.
Try to do monthly:
— Make sure you’ve had at least a couple of individual activities or outings with your teen.
— Check the temperature of your relationship. How are things going?
— Check in with your teen to see what has taken up his or her time and interest this month, and discuss it. Ask if there’s anything you can do to help further it.
— Make sure you’ve followed through on any recent promises to your teen.
— Plan one special family event or activity. Try to do things your teens enjoy.
— Get a report from teachers on your teen’s school progress. Check in with coaches or a guidance counselor about extracurricular activities.
— Take a monitoring inventory. Who has your teen been spending time with? What has (s)he been doing? Follow up on any concerns.
— What have they been spending money on?
— Stay up-to-date on news and trends among teens in the area. Talk with other parents and discuss concerns with your kids. Check with local youth organizations to find out about problems in your community.
— Check in with your teens about rules. If they’ve been doing well, then be flexible and reward them in meaningful ways. Whey your teens are ready, allow them more freedoms. Discuss and new rules or limits for new activities.
Simply put, tune in to your teen – listen with a positive intention; guide your teen — set expectations and rules, consequences that teach, and rewards for following rules; monitor your teens – know where, who, what, when; respect your teen – listen and treat them fairly; be a good role model – no, be a great role model!
Parents remain kids’ first and best teachers. Be there for your teen.
• Questions? A support group of adults in our Kaua’i community have “stepped into the corner” for our teens, to answer questions and give support to youth and their families! Please e-mail your questions and concerns facing our youth and families today to LaVerne Bishop, Program Director of Hale ‘Opio, at lbishop@haleopio.org.
