DEAR HARRIETTE: In reference to the father whose daughter discovered his porn bookmarks on his iPhone, the German word for cell phone is “handy,” a word he used in his letter. James in Brooklyn, N.Y., carefully avoided specifying the age
DEAR HARRIETTE: In reference to the father whose daughter discovered his porn bookmarks on his iPhone, the German word for cell phone is “handy,” a word he used in his letter. James in Brooklyn, N.Y., carefully avoided specifying the age of his daughter, yet alluded to what he did at her age. Instead of admitting his negligence and recognizing the obvious solution, he described an oddly-ambiguous situation — he doesn’t want to deal with it, but he wants to get into it with her.
I think you are dealing with the next generation of Yale graduate students who used to send fake letters to the Ann Landers of my youth!
— Gordon, Salt Lake City, Utah
Dear Gordon: That’s interesting. This man could be an imposter. They surely exist. But what if he’s not? Oddly, I know that there are some men (actually people, male and female) out there who are clueless when it comes to understanding what’s appropriate and how to establish boundaries between themselves and their children. It seems obvious that if you have porn bookmarks on your phone, computer or anywhere else that a young person can access, you have set your child up for trouble. In case anyone hasn’t figured it out, I want to clearly articulate that you MUST put your children first. That means deleting, hiding and getting rid of anything that would negatively impact them, period.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My assistant loves to chew gum. Because her job is primarily behind the scenes, I have allowed it. But I noticed that when I called in the other day, I could hear her smacking the gum as she was talking. Also, when she came into a meeting the other day to bring me something, she was chomping away. It looked terrible and unprofessional. I have never said anything about it, so I’m a little reluctant to do so now. But I can’t just let it go. How should I address it?
— Juanita, Atlanta, Ga.
Dear Juanita: There’s no time like the present. Call your assistant into your office, and tell her that you have a sensitive matter to discuss. If she’s chewing gum, point it out in the moment and explain that it’s becoming a problem. Explain that you have always thought that gum-chewing at work is inappropriate, but you let it slide because it didn’t seem like a big deal. Tell her that it has become a problem, and describe specific situations for her to consider. Your job here is to get across the point that you need your assistant to present herself in a professional manner and gum-chewing gets in the way. It can be loud. It can be unseemly. It’s too casual of an activity in a workplace environment.
Your assistant will likely be shocked if you’ve never told her this before. Apologize for not doing so. And in the future, if you have other issues with her, speak up.
• Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is the acting editor in chief of Ebony magazine. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o United Feature Syndicate, 200 Madison Ave., New York, NY 10016.
