Dear Readers: Happy Thanksgiving! I trust that you spent this special day with someone you love, and did something special for yourself. This is a celebration of abundance and possibility. When we remember that, it makes the day that much
Dear Readers: Happy Thanksgiving! I trust that you spent this special day with someone you love, and did something special for yourself.
This is a celebration of abundance and possibility. When we remember that, it makes the day that much sweeter for you and the people around you.
This annual celebration has become my favorite for a particular reason: It was seven years ago on this actual date (Nov. 25) that my daughter was born. We wholeheartedly give thanks for her being a part of our lives whatever day her birthday falls on. And every now and then, the day and the holiday meet up.
Even before Carrie was born, my husband and I got into the habit of practicing gratitude at this time of year. This is the time of the harvest, the time of reflection, the time of year when more people travel to be with family and loved ones than any other. It is a time of connection.
Because of this gathering up of loved ones, there also can easily be a gathering up of tension and a drumming up of old wounds. It’s classic now to hear people bemoan their family gathering because they are certain that some family member is going to get on their last nerve. Many people travel down memory lane with gusto, recalling the old arguments from when they were children, the chores that always seem to fall into their lap, the “stuff” that gets under their skin. Some get a sort of perverse fun by engaging in the what-ifs process about attending that family engagement. For many, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Does any of this sound familiar?
I want to invite everyone to resist falling into a trap from the past. Rather than worrying about what might happen because it has happened before, consider choosing to turn the page and write a new chapter in your life. Work hard to carve out “me time” while you are spending time with family. You could take a walk or a drive by yourself. You can go into a room, close the door, and just spend time alone. You may have to declare this is what you are doing so nobody follows you into your quiet zone. That’s OK, too. Your family members might benefit as well from your plan for a bit of alone time.
In the moment when old behaviors start rearing their heads, you can choose to adopt new behaviors. You can say that you don’t want to get involved in that argument or participate in a bad-mouthing session that is just heating up. Declare that you want to have a great time with your family, and ask them if they will do their best to share that commitment with you. Offer a family prayer asking for support in showing your love for one another in more demonstrative ways. Stick to your plan to stay positive. I bet some will adopt your approach. Good luck.
• Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o United Feature Syndicate, 200 Madison Ave., New York, NY 10016.
