Several aunties on island liked the last article about having fun, developing humor, and talking more to people, but also wanted the “Corner” to address having good manners at a nice family party, since they will be coming up for the holidays. This article will teach a few basics that should help you win points with your host/hostess, and the other guests.
Manners are “polite or well-bred behavior,” (Oxford American). Polite means “having or showing behavior that is respectful and considerate of other people.” So basically, if you forget the list of rules, but act respectfully and think about how others will feel about what you do before you do them, you’ll probably be OK.
Emily Post has been the name associated with good manners since I was a child, and there is an Emily Post website devoted to good manners, It contains a whole sub-section called “Teen Scene”. Find it at www.emilypost.com/teen-scene. She has 19 different area of manners under three headings of “Social Life”, “Everyday Etiquette”, and “School and Beyond”.
Etiquette is polite behavior people use to make situations go more smoothly at social settings. Here are the top 10 table manners:
1. Chew with your mouth closed.
2. Avoid slurping, smacking, and blowing your nose.
3. Don’t use your utensils like a shovel or as if you’ve just stabbed the food you’re about to eat.
4. Don’t pick your teeth at the table.
5. Remember to use your napkin at all times.
6. Wait until you’re done chewing to sip or swallow a drink. (The exception is if you’re choking.)
7. Cut only one piece of food at a time.
8. Avoid slouching and don’t place your elbows on the table while eating (though it is okay to prop your elbows on the table while conversing between courses.)
9. Instead of reaching across the table for something, ask for it to be passed to you.
10. Always say “excuse me” whenever you leave the table.
I’m adding not to curse or use loud or bad language at the table.
People suggestions:
When you arrive at a family party, make sure you say hello to the host and hostess. That may well be grandma and grandpa, or auntie and uncle, but greet them with a smile and tell them that you are glad to see them. Do that even if you don’t know them.
Putting on a party takes a lot of work, costs a lot of money, and it is a sign of caring for the guests. Make sure that when you leave, you also thank them for a great time. Find something that you especially liked about the party and tell them. If they know what you like, there’s a better chance that it will happen again! Don’t tell them what you didn’t like. It something happened that wasn’t to you liking, speak to your parents about it.
If there are a lot of people that you don’t know, and there’s no one to hang with, sometimes it’s fun to go into the kitchen and ask if you can help. They may ask you to take out some snacks, or help set the table, collect empty bottles or glasses, or they may kick you out! A lot of interesting conversation happens in the kitchen when family is trying to catch up with each other.
When you are introduced to new people look at them, smile, and shake their hands, or give them a hug, and say, “Nice to meet you (their name).” It will help you learn to remember their name. Try to remember peoples’ names. That’s polite too.
If you need to talk to someone, and they are having a conversation already, make sure that it is important enough to interrupt their conversation. If so, stand a little behind, or to the side. Wait a little bit. If the person doesn’t pause their conversation at this “hint,” you may politely say, “excuse me, but I need to speak to you for a minute about something important.” Be as brief as possible, and then quietly leave.
Be generous with “please” and “thank-you.” It really is nicer for folks to hear than, “I want that.” We all want things, but asking for them politely is better.
Table issues:
When you pass food around the table, it usually goes around in one direction. If the platter is heavy, one person holds is while the other person serves him/herself. If it’s not heavy, people serve themselves. Be considerate and don’t take too much the first time. Let there be enough for everyone. You don’t want to leave a lot of food on your plate when you’re finished. Don’t take something that isn’t offered to you.
Let’s say that you taste something terrible, or there is something that feels awful in your mouth. You want it out of your mouth ASAP! Here’s the rule: If it went in with a fork or spoon, it goes out with a fork or spoon. If it went in with your fingers (like a chicken wing), it goes out with your fingers. Put it on the side of your plate, and do it with as little attention to yourself as possible. Don’t make faces! It could embarrass the cook or host. Don’t wrap it in a napkin, because someone clearing the table could pick it up and get grossed out by it.
If you find a hair in your food do the same thing if you are at a family party. If you are at a restaurant, kindly tell the waiter the problem, and ask for a new plate. There is no need to be rude. To show the family or waiter you have finished, take your utensils and put the handles at what would be 4 o’clock if your plate was a clock face. That way the waiter or host/hostess can take your plate away easily, rather than with the utensils every which way. Generally your plate is served to you from the left, and taken away from the right, so the waiter’s arms don’t reach in front of you.
Don’t put your cell phone on the table, or make calls from the table, unless no guests are seated with you yet. When they come, put it on vibrate, and in your pocket or purse. Don’t talk on your cell phone if you’re with a group of people. It can be distracting. Try to participate. You may want to listen to your music, but honestly, how often do you see these relatives of yours anyway? Get to know them.
When in doubt, treat others the way you want to be treated, and remember that your good manners makes your family look good, and it’s always nice to have your family be proud of you. Have a great time. You’ll be a hit if you have kind manners.
• Hale ‘Opio Kaua‘i convened a support group of adults in our community to ‘step into the corner’ for our teens, to answer questions and give support to youth and their families on a wide variety of issues. Email questions or concerns facing youth and families today to Annaleah Atkinson at aatkinson@haleopio.org.
