‘Twas the night before fitness, when I saw my spouse,
Stand in front of the mirror, in her holiday blouse.
“My stockings and shirt are too tight,” she declared,
“I’m not taking pictures,” she said as she stared.
With the most loving tone, I then sweetly said,
“True visions of beauty, dear, I see instead.”
While my wife cried in her grief, I felt like a sap.
Because I looked at myself, and opened my trap.
“I’ve lost all my muscle, my belly looks fatter;
My own belt will burst if I eat one more platter.”
My family is slothful and eats too much trash;
Unhealthy is awful, we’re starting to crash.
But next week begins a fresh start, as we know.
Our interest in fitness has started to grow.
“In Health & With Hope” has a plan for next year,
Giving fitness to all and a happy new rear.
With dear Doug as the coach, so smart with his shtick,
He wants to make sure we’re all fit and ain’t sick.
Doug answers our questions, with science and claims,
Officially spouts healthy hope, so he aims.
How asker? Now answer? Thou answer now kicks in!
Doggonit, sans stupid, non-yawner technician!
So ask Doug your questions, from big to real small;
He knows the way not to weigh too much at all!
This column had inklings this goof was all spoof,
But Doug always sneaks in advice that’s foolproof.
Like holiday banquets which pack on the pounds,
Should not ruin Christmas and not cause us frowns.
It’s not what we do when one week goes afoot;
It’s New Year’s to Christmas when things go kaput.
Cheer up girls and boys and go eat a nice snack;
As long as you promise to get back on track.
Feeling plump taking pics, I will still show my teeth,
Standing proud, saying cheese, posing under the wreath.
Yes, I know my broad face and way too big belly,
Remind you of Santa and bowls full of jelly.
I’m a chubby and plump jolly elf with a shelf,
But I know that I know that I’ve promised myself,
To learn and apply what I’ve missed that Doug’s said.
1/1 will be fun, and there’s nothing to dread.
Just positive words, I’ll get straight to my work,
Feeling great is the goal, looking good is a perk.
Seven weeks to transform, with all that Doug knows,
I’ll have a new bod, then I’ll buy some new clothes!
I’ll check what I weigh; avoid fat and the gristle,
Perhaps I will chew on more kale, chard, and thistle.
‘Tis the season to right all my wrongs with delight,
Merry Fitness, my friends, for the New Year is bright!
• 2024 is almost here, my friends! Let’s all celebrate the reason for the season this week, while we think about getting ready for the amazing adventure ahead of us next week!
As we all resolve to move onward and upward, I promise to continue using “In Health & With Hope” to reveal the smartest, simplest, speediest and safest secrets for fitness and fat loss to you and your family.
My goal is to revolutionize your fitness paradigm so you can dramatically transform your body and life during the course of the next week, month and year.
Together, we will cover the scientific solutions for all quadrants of a well-rounded fitness program: strength, stamina, stretching and sustenance.
Although many people tend to focus on only one or two of these components, these four factors are synergistic and, to do the least of each, you have to do the lot.
• Strength: The foundation
Improving bone and muscle strength and structure with resistance exercises.
• Stamina: The fortitude
Increasing endurance of the heart, lungs, and vessels with aerobic exercises.
• Stretching: The flexibility
Enhancing the range of motion of each joint via muscle-lengthening exercises.
• Sustenance: The fuel
Nourishing the body for optimal health with simple exercises in self-control.
I look forward to speaking to you about all of these topics in person, and in much more detail, during our next Super Sunday Sunset Stroll “Walk & Talk,” on Jan. 7, 2024 at 5 p.m. It’s free, and it’s a great way to start the year.
•••
Doug Jones earned his Master’s Degree in Exercise Physiology from the University of Maryland and has served professionals and personalities as a concierge fitness trainer for decades. As a resident of Kaua‘i and Connecticut, he has helped millions of people learn the secrets of fitness and fat loss, both online and in person. To submit your questions, or for more information, call (808) 652-6453 or visit www.DougJonesFitness.com
