Humans, pay attention.
This is “Celeste the Cat Boss” of Instagram fame writing this week’s book review. And for good reason.
Of all the books that are reviewed here, there is only really one that matters: the one that I wrote!
Well… I didn’t “write” the book, but I dictated to my servants what needed to be in it, like any good boss should. Of course I did. Let the humans do the labor. I’ve got better things to do, like sleep.
Who cares about all those New York Times “bestsellers,” Pulitzer prize-winners, Man-Booger whatevers? My book’s far superior to them all. It’s my masterwork. In fact, it is my life’s work! All 17 years of it! (And I’m still looking as gorgeous as ever — secret: it’s all that beauty rest.)
“I Don’t Acknowledge You: The Zen of Mochi-Celeste” is a masterpiece that will transcend all time.
Every human who is lucky enough to be the servant of a cat will recognize the truisms contained within its pages.
To make it easy for you humans to understand, I distilled my enormous wisdom into short, Zen-like koans, such as:
• “I am THE BOSS;”
• “You exist to FEED ME;”
• “Cleaning my cat box is YOUR PRIVILEGE.”
Each of my enlightened sayings also feature my iconic, mochi-style version of yours truly set in my classic pose.
You have no idea how generous I am being, taking my time away from sleeping to share “I Don’t Acknowledge You” with the world. It is already a bestseller in my servants’ bookstore, and I don’t even try. I just lay there in my basket, being adored.
Go read it, humans. Better yet, buy it. I need more treats.
Now I’m going back to sleep.
•••
Celeste the Cat Boss is “The Boss” at Talk Story Bookstore. She can be messaged on Instagram at “Celeste_the_Cat_boss.” But being a cat, there is no guarantee she will respond. Ed Justus is the owner of Talk Story Bookstore in Hanapepe. He and his wife Yuriko (above) are usually at the store with Boss Cat.
