LIHUE — Pastor Rocky Sasaki wants marriages to last, and he knows a little something about how to do that. After all, he and his wife Dely have been married 55 years.
OK. So, what’s the secret?
Sasaki smiles. The key to a good marriage, he says, is not a secret.
“It’s like a triangle,” he said. “The guy, the gal, Jesus. It makes the triangle a successful marriage when we include Jesus.”
The pastor of five decades believes so strongly in what he says that he offers free marital counseling. A strong faith, he said, leads to a strong marriage.
“To prepare them for a successful marriage, that’s my goal. I want to help couples have successful marriages before they get married,” Sasaki said.
He pointed to the state of Hawaii’s motto, “The life of the land is perpetuated in righteousness,” and said that’s a good place to start.
“God wants to restore righteousness in the state of Hawaii, and one of the ways is through marriage,” he said. “I believe the state would like to see couples getting married instead of living together.”
A few years ago, Sasaki even proposed that the state make it a law that couples must have marriage counseling before being issued a marriage license. That didn’t gain any traction, but he still believes couples should be wed, not living together for convenience or because they don’t see marriage as necessary.
But living together is more socially accepted today than in years past, he said.
According to an article on slate.com, “The ranks of American cohabiters are climbing, according to an analysis of census data and the Current Population Survey from the Pew Research Center. In 2016, 18 million adults were living with an unmarried partner, a steep 29 percent increase from the 14 million who cohabited in 2007.”
The article reported that the fastest-growing age group of cohabiters in the past decade is older Americans: U.S. adults aged 50 and over. This population grew by 75 percent, or 1.7 million people, between 2007 and 2016, and now comprises 23 percent of all cohabiting adults in the country.
Despite its rise in popularity, cohabiting is still a relatively rare practice, slate.com reported, the largest age group represented by cohabiting Americans is the 25 to 34 demographic, which has only 14 percent living with unmarried partners. Just 7 percent of the entire U.S. adult population cohabits.
Sasaki, who is also with Kauai Islandwide Ministries, has counseled hundreds of couples and advises against living together.
“It’s going to create problems in the future,” he said.
Instead, he offers what he calls a “spiritual checkpoint,” a one-time, two-hour session of Bible-based counseling.
He said couples that he counsels are free to be married elsewhere by another pastor. But he does require couples to receive marriage counseling before he’ll preside over the exchange of vows.
“If you want God to bless your marriage, you need to get committed to each other,” he said.
And that can affect generations, Sasaki said.
“Children see the lifestyle of their elders and follow suit,” he said.
Sasaki can be reached at 652-1829
