Aloha Cary, We are in our mid 30’s, together for three years and living together for over a year. We definitely love each other, communicate well with the exceptional argument. Wondered if you had any tell-tale signs when a couple
Aloha Cary,
We are in our mid 30’s, together for three years and living together for over a year. We definitely love each other, communicate well with the exceptional argument. Wondered if you had any tell-tale signs when a couple is ready for marriage?
On One Knee, Can It Be? – Omao
Aloha On One Knee, Can It Be?,
Your thoughtful consideration about a choice that will affect the rest of your life is already a great sign verus folks who go from jumping in bed to jumping the broom without taking a breath to find out if they even like each other. Living together is a major plus as you learn the dance of daily activities together.
Ann Landers once polled her readers, “Would you marry the same person if you could turn back the clock and do it over?” 70 percent said they wouldn’t. That’s a lot of unhappy folks. Consider the following top 10 tips to determine if your with “the one.”
1. Connection
Do you enjoy your time together regardless if your clothes are on or off? How well do you both relate to each others; core values, sense of humor, passion, likes and dislikes? These are all essential key elements in how suitable you are for long-term harmony and success of the relationship. How well do you complement each other in body, mind, spirit? Does your relationship make you a better person?
2. Flexibility
Do you share similar goals and how accepting are you of personality differences? Are you a social butterfly and your partner a hermit? Do you both like to travel? How fancy does your house need to be? Both want or don’t want kids? Are you a spender or a saver and how well do you communicate your challenges? How are you with change? Over time your goals may change. Actually, I hope they do, as part of the richness of life. Expanding, being excited about new adventures.
3. Transparency
Be an open book. A relationship worthy of a lasting marriage has no “don’t go there” topics. The best secret to a juicy marriage is … move in closer, so you hear me … have no secrets. No matter how scary and vulnerable it is for you to communicate to each other about your worries, dreams, fears, fantasies, attractions, how others think of you, how you truly feel about your body or your mistakes, do it. Expose your stretch marks. You will find freedom here. Feel as comfortable with each other crying as you do laughing and this will create a bond so strong you can weather any storm life throws at you and like bamboo, bounce right back.
4. Friends and Family
Your inner circle knows you better than you may give them credit for. Listen to what they have to say about your partner. If a few aren’t your greatest cheerleaders, OK, but if just about everyone doesn’t approve, don’t defend, be open and ask them why? Being in love may be affecting your discernment. That being said, get to know your partner’s family, if you wed you are marrying them too. Hang out with them at birthdays, holidays, BBQs. Do you feel welcomed? Do you feel close to them like you do with your kin? You are blessed if you do. Maybe you feel closer? You may not love everybody. Heck, you can probably say the same for your family, though have you developed a special bond with at least one person in your partner’s family, that you feel you can speak honestly about your life and relationship? Developing a “feeling of family” from both sides will deepen your bond as you experience successes, failures, sickness or even death. In the circle of life, chances are all of these moments will happen at sometime whether you like it or not.
5. Resolve Arguments Quickly
Every healthy couple has a good tiff every now and then. How quickly and respectfully you both work at clearing up the disagreement makes all the difference. If you hold onto arguments after they are long gone and then throw them onto the fire of a new argument you are headed in the wrong direction. Seek out a relationship coach/counselor immediately to learn tools on “how-to” put out the fire quickly and kiss and make up. Let the heat go in a different direction.
6. No Bridal Fantasy
Sure, get excited about your special day, plan and create an awesome kick off to a life together. If your fantasizing all the time about the wedding day and not taking the proper action on a day-to-day level with your sweetie to ensure your relationship is glittering years after the sequined gown is stored, be aware. Trouble lurks ahead.
7. Feel Completely Safe and Comfortable
How much safety, support and ease do you feel from your partner in sharing about the topics in tip #3. Have you both learned to accept each others and your own flaws unconditionally? From 1-10 (10 being the highest) how much do want to put your partner’s desires before yours? If you answered 8 or higher you have passed a major potential kink in your relationship longevity.
8. Relationship Priority
Most people’s lives are so busy that we need to schedule date nights, especially when children enter the picture. If this is important to you both and you both play an active role where you go and what activities you do on date nights, a strong foundation for relationship success has been planted.
9. No Future Pressure
You both have been in other LTRs. You talk openly about your future together and are excited to be saving for a house, bedroom furniture and/or a college fund. From your confidence you know the one person you want to notice you already does, therefore you don’t feel like you need to press for a date or ring.
10. Heart Talk
Trapped or Free? Is your heart happy? No longer feeling like you might be missing out on someone better?
If you are at peace with your partner with all of the above tips and not feeling trapped, confused, uneasy in anyway, then that’s a wonderful indicator. If you don’t for any reason, clear these issues up before making the big move.
If you can’t imagine your life without the other, desire to spend every waking moment with this person, can finish each others sentences and you are comfortable and agree with at least eight out of the 10 above tips, you’re ready for the happiest four words you’ll share together.
Congratulations. Let the rice throwing begin,
Cary
P.S. I forgot to mention one other tip. When you pick up your partner’s underwear off the floor, rather than complain, chuckle as you place it in the hamper.
• Cary Valentine is a certified relationship expert, author and wedding officiant. Looking to attract a soulmate or reignite the love and passion in your relationship? Call Cary to arrange a free “Unlock The Keys To Your Love and Passion Session.” (808) 346-6652. Questions welcomed at Cary@InLoveForever.tv
