Aloha Cary, I’ve not had a boyfriend for awhile. Can you offer suggestions to online dating as I’m a newbie and want to give this a try. Hopeful in Anahola Aloha Hopeful in Anahola, The good news is lots of
Aloha Cary,
I’ve not had a boyfriend for awhile.
Can you offer suggestions to online dating as I’m a newbie and want to give this a try.
Hopeful in Anahola
Aloha Hopeful in Anahola,
The good news is lots of people are using online dating. It’s a simple way to quickly connect up with many people. Approach your new adventure with an attitude of “what can I learn about myself while I’m dating and finding a match?”
First, decide on what type of relationship you are looking for: Casual dating; something serious that may lead to marriage; a lover; or, a best friend that could lead to romance? If one or more of these relationship types interest you, take note of it and be honest, which will assist you in how you write your profile.
The clearer you are in your profile, the easier it will be to have success, since you can choose dating services that cater to different interests.
Have fun and make a list of what you are looking for in a date, relationship, or sexual partner.
What physical qualities attract you, age range, interests, athletic, outgoing, homebody, income or schooling level, open to dating a single parent, or speak a certain language? Be clear about character traits you want in a partner.
You want your profile to standout, be captivating, light and fun so matches will contact you. Amy Webb, author of “Data, A Love Story,” experimented with online dating websites through fake accounts and found out that those who posted happier “about me” descriptions had more success.
It’s very important your profile represents you so, take your time writing it. Be specific of your desires (your must haves or have nots) and be honest.
Lying isn’t a good start to a relationship and, at some point, you will meet these people in person. The right person will appreciate your candor. Save yourself endless wasted hours and use three current photos that are flattering but, don’t over-sell (or sell yourself short).
Next, come up with a unique user name that is interesting, indicative of who you are and easy to remember. As your picture and user name will be the quickest way for someone interested to get an idea of who you are.
As you start getting replies sort them quickly, as online dating can be time consuming. Best to only interact with folks who are highly aligned with the qualities you’re looking for.
Keep the initial communication with someone brief and ask them about their interests. If you feel they are likable continue yet be watchful for someone who sounds too good to be true. Trust your instincts and stay safe. Quickly move on if someone doesn’t feel right. It could be a photo, something in a profile, or a response they sent, don’t second guess your feelings.
Be organized. Keep notes of people you interact with including contact info, qualities that resonate with you and other memorable statements. This will be a helpful way to remember someone.
If, after initial exchanges (don’t spend too much time developing a friendship by email or texting), you like what you are reading, move on to talking on the phone and then meet them in a public place, like lunch/breakfast at a restaurant for a brief meeting.
If all goes well meeting this person you may want to have a date.
In closing, make online dating fun by having a great attitude. There’s lots of love stories today as one out of every six couples has gotten married through the help of a dating site. I’d love to hear back about yours.
Malama pono,
Cary
• Cary Valentine is a certified relationship expert, author & wedding officiant. His passion is to coach singles, couples & families to overcome daily challenges and create a juicy life. More info call (808) 346-6652. Questions welcomed at: Cary@InLoveForever.tv
