Since we all know that no one is perfect, why is it that we hate making mistakes? It might be because we hate being judged, and when we have to admit a mistake, we’ve already self-judged that we were wrong.
Since we all know that no one is perfect, why is it that we hate making mistakes? It might be because we hate being judged, and when we have to admit a mistake, we’ve already self-judged that we were wrong. Why do we hate being wrong? Because we think that people will think that we’re inadequate in some way.
“Forbes Magazine,” a leading source for reliable business news and financial information, had some information about admitting mistakes in an online article at: http://www.forbes.com/sites/amyanderson/2013/05/01/admitting-you-were-wrong-doesnt-make-you-weak-it-makes-you-awesome/ by Amy Rees Anderson.
Admitting errors doesn’t make you weak. It makes you awesome. So, let’s get more awesome right now. The article shares a story about the first time the author saw a man in authority admit he was wrong. She was visiting a home for dinner and a pre-teen daughter and the girl’s father were disagreeing heatedly. The father’s lesson was correct, but his tone was hurtful and degrading.
The author knew the father was a good man, and believed that he wouldn’t admit his mistake because he didn’t want to lose “face” as the family leader. But, about an hour later, she heard the father talking to his daughter saying these exact words, “I was wrong. I am sorry.” He didn’t make excuses for his behavior. He didn’t blame the daughter’s behavior for causing his. He just said, “I was wrong, and I am sorry.”
In that moment, the author’s respect for the man actually grew, and she wanted to be like him. She had seen other business leaders, who are afraid of losing employees’ respect by being wrong, blame others for their errors and cover their tracks. Actually, the opposite happens. Respect for those leaders plummeted and trust gets shattered.
When a person admits he made a mistake and apologizes, trust increases. It’s saying, “I’m going to be honest with you.” I think youth have helped take the bad feeling out of admitting to a wrong by using the phrase, “My bad,” and using it immediately.
There are times when our mistakes cause pain or hardship for others. A woman I know lent her (now ex) husband her credit card so he could get repair work done on his car. He charged over $700 on a bar tab. Now saying, “I was wrong. I made a mistake,” isn’t going to be enough here. The ex-husband, in this case, will have to make amends. When a person makes amends, it means he or she has to “do something in order to make up for a wrong inflicted on someone” (New Oxford American). In this case he had to pay the credit card bill.
It helps to know what you’re going to say before you are with the person. Practice saying it, if you need to. You may try to consider how the other person feels, and know what you want to say to help those feelings resolve. It would help the person very much if you shared with him or her what you learned from this and acknowledge that you aren’t going to do it again.
Once, a person falsely accused me of something. When she found out her error, she gave me a flat, “I’m sorry.” There was no empathy at all. She had no idea how bad I felt because of that lie. And she didn’t care to know either. It just seemed awfully callous on her part. So, I recommend that you ask how the other person is feeling.
Also, choose a neutral place that you both are comfortable with that gives you some privacy. Admitting a mistake is best made face to face. Words are actually only a very small part of communication. Gestures, emphasis, phrasing, pauses, facial expressions, body language, tone, loudness or softness, etc. are more significant than the actual words said. I just came back from visiting Italy, and I enjoy the passion and gesticulations in their conversations. It was surprising to see how they kept gesticulating when they were on their cell phones!
Finally, when you’ve finished the “I was wrong. I’m sorry” conversation and done your best to make amends, move on. Don’t beat yourself up with guilt. Some things just can’t be helped or changed, but if you’ve done your best and learned from the situation, then move on. Guilt weakens the immune system, and then you are susceptible to sickness.
Even the top official of the United States makes apologies. President Ronald Reagan signed a bill apologizing for the confining of Japanese Americans in the U.S. during World War II. So have other presidents.
In closing, I have a mistake I need to admit to. In my last article about the Declaration of Independence, I stated that you could see Thomas Jefferson’s face on a $5 bill. I was wrong. My husband and I mistook Alexander Hamilton on the $10 to be Jefferson. It looked like the images I found on Google. I know I don’t need to give excuses. I’m just telling you what happened. Mr. Victor Cardoza emailed me with the correct information that Thomas Jefferson is on the $2 bill, and that Lincoln is on the $5. I thanked him and promised that I’d let you all know. Do I need to make any amends?
Hale `Opio Kaua’i convened a support group of adults in our Kaua’i community to “step into the corner” for our teens, to answer questions and give support to youth and their families on a wide variety of issues. Please email your questions or concerns facing our youth and families today to Annaleah Atkinson at aatkinson@haleopio.org.
