Adolescence is the time when peer acceptance has the most importance in a person’s life. It is also the time of great experimentation, where youth test the rules their parents gave them for their well-being. Adults know that. We had
Adolescence is the time when peer acceptance has the most importance in a person’s life.
It is also the time of great experimentation, where youth test the rules their parents gave them for their well-being.
Adults know that. We had to live with it, too. Times are so different, so how can the old rules still be valid?
Mostly because human nature endures, and even though music, clothing, movies and different things trend, the basics need humans have are the same.
We need to be safe physically and emotionally. We need freedom to pursue what we think is a good path for ourselves. We need to love and be loved. Finally, we want to believe that we matter in our community, that we are respected, and that people are honest with us as we interact with our world.
Respect begins with family and must include yourself. If you don’t respect yourself, it will be very hard for you to respect others. If you don’t value yourself, the welfare of others won’t seem very important. The way to respect yourself is to make good choices that honor your body, mind, spirit and standing in your community, whether that community is school, church, sports teams or where your hang out.
Some decisions are easy to make. Don’t break the law. In my three years as the Teen Court director, I can tell you that no one was glad that they got busted.
None of them felt it enhanced the future, or gave them greater standing in the community. Some felt shamed, and it was actually a big part of Teen Court to let them know that when they were done with their requirements, they were cleared, and better than before the incident happened.
One big issue that you’ll have to deal with is how to say “no” to drugs and alcohol. And this is where you have to respect your body and mind. The latest research on binge drinking (January 2013), which used cutting edge tools to probe the brain, disclosed that 24 hours of binge drinking and having the blood alcohol level up to .08 and keeping it there caused brain damage.
How important is having a fully functional brain to you? While there is some evidence that brain cells can repair themselves over time and with exercise and good nutrition, do you really have to drink to have fun in the first place?
Hopefully, you’ll decide not to drink.
So how do you say “No”? If you speak in a way that is respectful of yourself and others, people will listen.
Saying, “I don’t drink alcohol,” may be enough now. Believe it or not, with all of the influence on health and diet, many people have stopped drinking, and they feel better. Have you ever watched YouTube videos of drunks? Silly at best, sometimes scary, and sometimes sad.
Don’t say “no” with criticism or an attack. Speak from the self that cares about people and knows what’s best for you. For example if you say, “Only losers have to get drunk to have fun,” you’ve just called your friend a loser, and that can hurt.
If you are pressed by someone, there is always the “I suddenly just blow chunks when I drink.” No one likes that. Or ask for a soft drink or water.
Using drugs is even more damaging to the body. You folks are young, and need bodies and minds that will serve you a long time. Kids think that prescription drugs can’t hurt, but they can. The wrong combination of alcohol or other drugs they can cause seizures or even kill.
Saying “No” to sex is the best choice to make unless you are willing to raise a child, because no birth control is foolproof.
Also, there is an issue that isn’t discussed by the scientists. When people have sex together, there is often the sense, particularly in the girl, that it means the relationship is special, and that you mean a lot to the guy. They may become clingy, which may drive the guys nuts.
To be frank, young men are more driven to have sex than women, and it isn’t about long-lasting relationships.
It is a biological urge, and they may tell lies to get this need met.
Be aware. Get to know a guy for a long time before you decide to have sex, and if you do, use a condom to protect yourself from STDS.
Yes, women have the urge too, but they know that they will hold the consequences in their arms, and usually make more rational choices.
You may find that practicing saying “No” before you are in a difficult situation helps.
Find ways to have fun that add to you and your world!
• Hale `Opio Kaua’i convened a support group of adults in our Kaua’i community to “step into the corner” for our teens, to answer questions and give support to youth and their families on a wide variety of issues. Please email your questions or concerns facing our youth and families today to Annaleah Atkinson at aatkinson@haleopio.org
