After having half a cancerous tumor removed from her brain and being told that her type of cancer is fatal, Wendy Valentine and her husband Cary have found hope in alternative medical treatments that have saved other brain cancer patients
After having half a cancerous tumor removed from her brain and being told that her type of cancer is fatal, Wendy Valentine and her husband Cary have found hope in alternative medical treatments that have saved other brain cancer patients across the country.
While Wendy continues to undergo a regimen to eradicate the balance of the tumor, and is feeling and looking remarkably vibrant, the couple is holding a benefit concert Saturday at the Prince Golf Clubhouse in Princeville beginning at 6:30 p.m., in part to defray costs associated with her medical expenses, but primarily to make themselves available to people who would like to know more about what they have learned.
“My message is for people to know that there are more options. If you hit a dead end when dealing with your health, more than likely it’s not a dead end, it’s a corner you have to go around,” Cary said. “Be your own best advocate. Don’t give up. There are things going on that you may not be told about but they’re happening if you seek them out.”
The Valentines’ journey began earlier this year when Wendy, 56, began experiencing a series of symptoms including blurred vision, challenges with numbers such as forgetting how much she charged for ‘ukulele lessons, and one day becoming unable to write.
“It was really scary,” Wendy said. “I went out and bought Sudoku books to try and help with numbers. But nothing worked.”
“The lowest point was when she couldn’t speak her own name,” said Cary, 44. “I didn’t know what was going on. I thought it might have been a stroke.”
The couple, musicians and music teachers who have been together for 22 years, went to Wilcox Memorial Hospital on March 9 to have a CAT scan performed. The report revealed a brain tumor surrounded by fluid called edema that was pushing one of Wendy’s brain hemispheres into the other.
The couple was immediately flown to Straub Clinic and Hospital on O‘ahu where Wendy underwent surgery the next afternoon. Doctors removed only half the tumor, believing it might damage Wendy’s brain to remove the balance.
The surgery relieved the pressure in Wendy’s brain and her symptoms disappeared overnight. When she first spoke after awaking from anesthesia, she announced, “Cary, I feel better than I have in months.”
But her diagnosis was grim: glioblastoma, stage 4 cancer. Fatal.
While Wendy recovered from the surgery in the hospital, Cary sat nearby researching the disease on his laptop computer, at first finding only “one horror story after another.”
Following doctors’ recommendations, Wendy underwent seven weeks of chemotherapy and radiation treatment on O‘ahu, but the tumor that remained in Wendy’s brain remained the same size. Doctors said that was a positive sign, but the Valentines’ goal has always been complete eradication of the tumor.
Cary researched more, calling family members, asking for more recommendations and doing more research online. He learned there were options.
“We began to read stories of people who cured themselves,” Wendy said. “It was very helpful to see how people were in recovery. That gave me hope.”
The Valentines learned of various doctors in California who specialize in cancer treatment using non-mainstream methods including testing tumor tissue to discover exactly which drugs are effective in shrinking them. Wendy is also taking various Chinese herbs and having acupuncture treatments on Kaua‘i.
Cary has learned all sorts of terminology and now speaks of red and white blood cells, clinical studies and various cancer-fighting drugs with a degree of familiarity.
Wendy feels strong and healthy on her new regimen, and is radiant when speaking of her experiences.
Most importantly Wendy is determined to live, something she wasn’t so sure about before her diagnosis. Depressed for months, struggling with questions in her mind about why she wasn’t happy, she had even considered suicide.
“Right before I discovered the cancer was my lowest point,” she said. “I felt I couldn’t seem to break through. I was just stuck. I couldn’t see beyond.”
But something changed after her surgery.
“I remember coming out of anesthesia after surgery. In that moment I said, ‘I want to live. I want to help others.’ I have not been the same since,” she said. “It wasn’t enough for me to get well just for me. It was deeper, like I want to help. And that’s the only thing to this day that’s keeping me alive.”
Wendy began living her new life immediately, complimenting nurses who cycled in and out of her room to check her vital signs, offering words of encouragement to them and asking them if they knew how beautiful they were.
Touching them to their core, “in five minutes nurses would leave crying,” Cary said. “The hospital was like a spiritual retreat. I fell in love with this woman again.”
While undergoing radiation at St. Francis Healthcare on O‘ahu, observing amputees waiting their turn for various treatments, Wendy found her perception shifting outside of herself to one of gratitude for all she has.
“Just being around all of these people, my heart was wide open,” she said. “You just wanted to go up and hug them, and we did.”
She has resumed teaching ‘ukulele and has also been teaching yoga.
“Even when I’ve been cross-eyed with medication, that’s what’s helped me, getting outside of myself,” she said.
But it’s the Valentines’ love for each other that has been the most powerful healing agent. Reclaiming their marriage after years of drifting apart, the couple became relationship counselors several years ago, sharing their experiences to help others avoid the same pitfalls.
Facing Wendy’s possible death has further deepened the couple’s already strong commitment to each other and their appreciation for life. As they speak, they face one another, looking into each other’s eyes.
“If it wasn’t for Cary, I probably would be dead. Cary’s push and compassion and love, he gives me so much hope to go on,” Wendy said. “Having brain cancer has deepened my sense of the divine, from the terror, the fear that maybe I would lose Cary. I could die right now, but I could also die from a coconut falling on me right now. I stay positive by my will and my choice.”
“This experience has just brought us to the truth that life is fragile and to be grateful for each moment,” Cary said. “Each moment I wake up with Wendy, it’s a great day.”
Read Wendy’s blog: http://wendyandcaryvalentine.blogspot.com.
When: 6:30 – 10 p.m., Saturday
Where: Prince Golf Clubhouse, Princeville
What: Music by The Yes Men; Bushwalla and surprise special guests;food donated by island restaurants; live and silent auctionsfeaturing Titus Kinimaka autographed surfboards, a JasonMraz-signed ‘ukulele, guitars, artwork, gift certificates forrestaurants, massages, facials, hotel stays, recording studio timeand more.
Tickets: $50; 16 and under free; available at Hanalei Strings &Things; Harvest Market; Healthy Hut; North Shore Pharmacy; HawaiianMusic Kiosk Princeville; Kaua‘i Music & Sound; Borders; KalaheoCoffee Company; Talk Story Bookstore or call 652-4042.
To donate: Call 652-4042.
