Sometimes, as a parent, I feel like a game-show contestant. My son, Sean, is the charismatic host with the slicked-up hair, while I’m the eager schlub who sits waiting for the question as the drum roll builds anticipation. “OK, pops.
Sometimes, as a parent, I feel like a game-show contestant.
My son, Sean, is the charismatic host with the slicked-up hair, while I’m the eager schlub who sits waiting for the question as the drum roll builds anticipation.
“OK, pops. Today’s final category is … philosophy.”
Wait, just yesterday we read “Tip Tip Dig Dig” and you’re on to Plato?
“Parental philosophy.”
Ohhhhh. That’s topical, as we try to figure out how to wipe out nasty habits at the dinner table. Obedient everywhere else, the kid has recently decided it’s cool to throw plates and place mats, dump bowls, scrape the expensive table with a fork and shriek while anyone else is talking.
“OK, old man, to win the grand prize of raising a respectful and well-adapted kid, here’s the question. Why shouldn’t I throw my plate?”
A. Because flames will fly out of daddy’s ears.
B. Because, while it might be fun, it wastes good food and makes mommy or daddy vacuum the rug, which isn’t a whole lot of fun and takes away time that we could all be playing outside.
C. Because flames won’t fly out of daddy’s ears.
Of course, like on any good game show, I have time to talk out these options. Thankfully, instead of a minute or two, parents have years to come up with the right answer.
Old-school parenting has always felt most natural to me. Years ago, moms and dads didn’t empower their kids to feel involved in the decision-making. Children were empowered by the fear of the evil eye. So “A” feels right.
But, wait, this is the 21st century and we know so much more about the human brain. Modern psychologists often suggest reasoning with kids gets better results. Who am I to argue with someone who has a Ph.D. behind his name? Maybe it’s “B,” without the wimpiness.
Our phone-a-friend lifelines yielded “C,” which is to ignore the naughtiness and withhold the attention he craves. Hmmmm.
For weeks, each option failed miserably. Reprimands made his day as he grinned excitedly, waiting for the next chance to chuck dinnerware and prompt a stern response. Using logic on a 2-year-old is like speaking French to a frog, and ignorance was light years from bliss.
So I’ve decided this is a trick question and it’s actually “D”: Spraying the room with fruit is just a phase, and we should stick to a plan and wait it out. Final answer.
“Is daddy correct? We’ll find out when we come back after a word from our sponsor, the Bissell Steam Cleaner.”
• Racine, Wis. Journal Times reporter Mike Moore writes Daddy Talk, an online parenting blog at www.journaltimes.com.
