There are few uttered phrases that can make a parent burst with pride and at the same time make them question their parenting ability more than, “Your children were so well-behaved.” The pride part is obvious: Parents feel good about
There are few uttered phrases that can make a parent burst with pride and at the same time make them question their parenting ability more than, “Your children were so well-behaved.”
The pride part is obvious: Parents feel good about the job they are doing raising their children when their kids behave.
But then comes the big question: Why don’t they behave for me?
They listen to their teachers, other kids’ parents, their grandparents and even their swimming instructor. But my husband and I are constantly reminding them that they have to mind us, too.
Last week my 6- and 8-year-old boys were playing at a neighbor’s house. I could hear them from our backyard. They weren’t fighting or arguing or doing anything they weren’t supposed to.
Twenty minutes later, back in our own yard, they began to fight.
Why? What on Earth could be that different from one yard to the next?
Me. I’m in one of the yards.
So am I to blame for their bad behavior at home?
Of course, after putting my children to bed that night, I headed straight for Google. I looked up “children bad behavior home.”
What I read was interesting, but there were a bunch of different explanations. One website suggested children act up at home because busy working parents don’t spend enough time with them. Being naughty gets them negative attention, but it’s still attention.
A big bell went off in my head.
But then another article said children misbehave at home because it’s the one safe place they know they can push the limits. A co-worker agreed with this one. She said kids might be afraid of acting up in school or at a friend’s house, because they don’t know the adults there well enough to know how they’ll react
Other website writings suggested kids don’t understand the rules, are tired or bored, or are copying the behavior of their parents or other children.
My head started spinning.
Still another site encouraged parents to ask their kids — in the middle of misbehavior — why they were being naughty.
I tried it Friday morning. My boys decided late Thursday night, while they were supposed to be sleeping, to rearrange all the stuff in their bedrooms. Bedside tables were dragged from one room to another, lamps were unplugged, blankets and stuffed animals were thrown all over, school art projects and dresser-top trinkets were on the floor. In other words, they made a HUGE mess.
When I told them to clean it up Friday morning, they resisted and got sassy with me. “Why mom? Why can’t we just have it the way we like it?” they hollered and whined.
I replied with the dreaded parent mantra, “Because I said so.”
Then I asked them why they would have made such a mess in the middle of the night when they knew it would get them in trouble.
“You knew I was going to make you clean it up anyway,” I said. “I want to know why you would make such a mess and then get sassy about it?”
Waiting for the answer that makes sense, the one that would give me insight into my children’s behavior, I stood with arms crossed looking at them.
“Don’t know,” said the 6-year-old.
The 8-year-old shrugged his shoulders.
• Mommy Talk is written by reporters Marci Laehr Tenuta and Janine Anderson of the Racine, Wisc. Journal-Times. Reporter Mike Moore writes Daddy Talk. Their columns run in a three-week rotation and can be found online at http://www.journaltimes.com/mom. Laehr Tenuta has three children, two boys and a girl. Moore and Anderson each have one son. Contact Laehr Tenuta at marci.laehr@lee.net.
