Well, it’s happened again in Teen Court. One friend took the hit for some others. In this particular case the person stole some merchandise for them. She got busted for third-degree theft, and they got off scot-free. On the one hand, it may appear that she was really being a great friend to the others, a martyr of sorts. But there is another way to look at it. What is she teaching those friends — that they can find another needy person to do their dirty work for them? What kind of friends are they being? The answer is that they are not being friendly at all. They are selfishly taking advantage of another person’s need to be liked and appreciated.
Teen Court has also had cases where the “friend” asks another to hold his pot or alcohol. The law states that all you have to do is have it in your possession to be detained for promotion of a detrimental drug in the third degree, or liquor violation of a minor. Sadder yet, a mother unloaded stolen clothing for her family into her daughter’s backpack, and they both got busted. Luckily, Teen Court will help the child clear her record, but aren’t parents supposed to help and support their children, and not lead them into trouble and humiliation?
Teen Court only receives first-time offenders. But I read the names of victims, or those who asked their “friends” to do something wrong, and I see that they get busted themselves. Maybe if a true friend had said, “Sorry, but I can’t hold that pot for you,” in a calm, but firm, tone and walked away, the person might not have decided to keep smoking pot.
In victim impact classes, we ask the respondents, “What need were you trying to get met when you offended?” In the first case, the respondent stated that she wanted to please her friends. But guess what, when she got busted, her friends disappeared. The people who were hurt were her parents who loved her dearly and were very surprised at her choice.
She paid back what was owed, wrote apology letters, did community service and participated in juries to help others clear their records. Her record is cleared now, and she has learned a tremendous lesson that she is accountable for everything she does, and that friends who ask you to do something that goes against your moral code aren’t friends. We role-played what she’d say when asked again, and it was “no.” I’m really proud of her.
A Kaua’i teen who goes to the University of Hawai‘i observed a friend get taken to the emergency room for alcohol poisoning when she got back to their dorm. She was binge drinking. For girls, that’s taking 4 ounces of alcohol, 5 ounces of alcohol for boys, in a single short session. Alcohol is a depressant. It slows the body down. When too much is taken in too short a time, the heart and lungs can actually stop. It can kill people. First the person goes unconscious, and that’s when they get rushed to the hospital. Sadly, the “friends” of the girl who had done the binge drinking left her in the courtyard because they were afraid that they would get in trouble. A complete stranger carried her to the dorm. Girls, he could have done something else.
Remember that it takes about 20 minutes for an ounce of alcohol to be absorbed into a person’s system. After a drink, wait 20 minutes and see how you feel before you take another. Why get all beautiful for a date, and then perfume yourself with vomit.
Another person told me she had to drive a friend to the ER because he was drunk and fell down and split his head so that she could see his skull. Where were the friends who didn’t say, “Chill a bit on da booze!”
Suppose either one of them had died, and you could have stopped them. How would you feel? Or how would you feel if you were the one who didn’t take the keys away from your drunken friend, and that person drove into another car killing him- or herself and the occupants of another car? Can you live with that? Take the keys, and when the person is sober, they’ll thank you.
If you have a friend who has threatened to kill him- or herself, TAKE IT SERIOUSLY! Let the parent or guardian know what was said. Stay with that person for awhile. Maybe you can get the person talking about what needs aren’t getting met, or what the grief might be, and you can listen, and care, and let the person know that if they weren’t in your life, it wouldn’t be as good.
You might know someone who is barely eating, or who eats and throws up. Over time this can have terrible effects. One girl who would make herself throw up after some meals ended up throwing up after every meal, and she couldn’t stop. She had to be hospitalized and had convulsions. Another I know lost some vision. We show a movie of a former junior champion ice skater who now gets tired from just walking a bit because she has damaged her bones and joints so much by not eating properly. And if you are starving your body, you are starving your brain. People do die by not eating enough. Don’t let your friends harm their bodies in this way.
This year take care of yourself and your friends. If they can’t think of the negative consequences to a dangerous action, hopefully you can help them think things through. And don’t be the first one to turn a person on to alcohol. If they are an alcoholic it may be a downward path for a long time, and they will remember you unkindly. And yes, Kaua’i does need a place for teens to hang out safely with positive things to do. Send me your ideas!
• Annaleah Atkinson is the Teen Court manager for Hale ‘Opio Kaua‘i. She can be reached at aatkinson@haleopio.org, or Hale ‘Opio Kaua‘i Inc., 2959 Umi St., Lihu‘e, HI 96766.
