What we can accomplish on Kaua‘i and what we can accomplish in the world is diminished by how we think about each other, how we treat each other and how little we trust each other. Recognizing this and changing even a little will mean we can accomplish more. 

Whatever the issue — walking dogs on the bike path, Tasers for our police force, the Superferry, or economic development — before we finish talking, the discussion ends as them against us.

The “them” and the “us” often differ — white skin against brown skin, Japanese against Filipinos, everyone against haoles, native Hawaiians against everyone else, or that completely ambiguous distinction, locals against non-locals.

Human beings lived in tribes for hundreds of thousands of years. Stay with your tribe for protection. Stay with your tribe to share food. Stay with your tribe and you will be safe. Don’t trust outsiders. Don’t trust people who look different. Don’t trust people who talk differently. These instincts increased our survival when our ancestors lived in caves.

We don’t live in caves anymore, but these instincts are still in us. At companies and in groups dominated by locals, locals get the promotions and bigger raises. We justify it by thinking, “we were born here and know what works on Kaua‘i and what is best for Kaua‘i.”

At companies and in groups dominated by non-locals, non-locals get promotions and bigger raises and we justify it by thinking, “we learned better on the mainland and we are so much smarter.”

We say, that person didn’t deserve that promotion; he just got it because he is haole like the boss, or local like the boss, or Japanese like the boss. We say, ignore what that person says because he’s not local like me. We say ignore that person because he doesn’t know the new ideas from the Mainland.

This isn’t a unique Kaua‘i problem or a unique Hawai‘i problem. It is a Bozeman Montana problem, a Miami Florida problem, a Vladivostok Russia problem and Cairo Egypt problem. It is a human problem.

But we can start fixing it right here. If we want our company, our neighborhood, our organization, Kaua‘i and America to succeed, we should take the best ideas everyone has to offer.

We need the best ideas born-and-raised Kaua‘i locals have to offer, the best ideas just-off-the-plane new arrivals have to offer, the best ideas wise kupunas have to offer, and the best ideas young college grads have to offer.

We need the best ideas regardless of the color of the skin of the person offering them or of where the person was born.

We need to end this tribe-against-tribe thinking. There are a few things each of us can do, starting right now.

First, we need to recognize prejudice in ourselves.  Prejudice is deeply ingrained in our human subconscious and the sooner we can admit that, even about ourselves, the sooner we can stop the damage.

Don’t believe you have a little prejudice? If a car cuts you off in traffic, or a wagon bumps into you at the store, when you notice the person who did it doesn’t look like you, what is your first thought?

We should bend over backwards and listen to understand. Just because prejudice shapes our first thought doesn’t mean we have to let that thought continue or that we have to act on it. Make your second thought count. Make your actions count.

When someone different from you offers an idea at work or in your club, recognize that your subconscious may try to find a reason to dismiss the idea. Instead listen carefully to what they have to say and assume they could know what they are talking about.

Never, ever fight fire with fire. Taking feelings of being discriminated against and turning them into more discrimination can’t ever help.

Yelling, “F*** you, haole. Respect Me!” won’t get you any respect no mater how many times you yell it or how loud you yell it.

Building a fence around your neighborhood and only letting in other white people doesn’t work either. Quietly and politely ignoring the opinions of people just because they are different from you is the height of disrespect.

The only way to encourage people to respect you is to show them respect. Be the first to show respect. Don’t be trapped into waiting for the other person to show you respect first. Since almost everyone feels they have been disrespected, everyone would be waiting for the other person to show respect first and we’ll never break through.

Eventually, if enough of us show enough respect for each other, regardless of race or ethnicity, respect can become the norm. Fight rudeness with politeness. Fight disrespect with respect.

Spread the word and create safe ways to discuss prejudice and discrimination with your friends and co-workers. Broaden this discussion. Send this note to a friend or post it at work.

Talk with your co-workers about the best ways to deal with subtle discrimination. Talk to the parents of your children’s friends about how you can teach the next generation to respect everyone. Remind yourself to keep working and revisit these issues every week, every month.

Human beings have instincts we can’t always be proud of, but we have smart minds that let us think things through and make intelligent decisions.

If we think a little more and rely on our tribal instincts a little less, we can get more done to build a better place to live.

• Walter Lewis is a resident of Princeville and writes a bi-weekly column for The Garden Island.