Editors Note: The Garden Island can not guarantee these jokes will be funny to everyone.

Eight is Enough: Oscar-winning director and actor Mel Gibson, whose wife filed for divorce from him last spring, has become a father for the eighth time with girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva. Now facing alimony and child support payments for seven children, it’s no wonder some still refer to him as “Braveheart.”

Coyote Attack: Authorities say two coyotes attacked and killed a promising young musician as she was hiking alone in a national park in eastern Canada. A spokesman for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police say the coyotes initially tried to pin it on wolves, but police quickly ruled out wolves after crack investigative teams determined that CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer was hosting the popular cable news program “the Situation Room” at the time and the “big bad wolf” was obviously just too old to huff and puff and blow anyone’s house down anymore. This, according to Mounted Police, left the coyotes as the only viable suspects.

Mamas and the Papas: Mackenzie Phillips, the former childhood actress reveals in a tell-all book that her dad, musician John Phillips of the Mamas and the Papas, and she had a long-term consensual, incestuous relationship. When questioned about how frequently she and her father would get together, Mackenzie said every “Monday, Monday.”

Out of the Park: Baseball analyst Steve Phillips has been fired by ESPN after admitting having a sexual affair with a production assistant at the cable network. ESPN management says that while they try not to meddle into employees’ private affairs, we have to draw the line when someone makes a big production assistant out of it.

Crystal Meth: In his upcoming autobiography, eight-time Grand Slam tennis champion Andre Agassi admits he used crystal meth for a year around 1997. Agassi added that because of his success on the tennis court, he was able to afford the more expensive “Waterford Crystal Meth.”

New Psychotic Drugs: A new study has determined that young children and adolescents who take the newest generation of antipsychotic medications risk rapid weight gain and metabolic changes that could lead to diabetes, hypertension and other illnesses. The study concluded that you’d have to be crazy to take drugs like these.

Flight Schedules: The FAA has revoked the licenses of two Northwest Airlines pilots who told federal investigators that they were going over schedules on their laptop computers while their plane overflew their Minneapolis destination by 150 miles. Sounds like they pretty much won’t have to worry about their schedules from this point on.

Shower Dangers: Researchers at the University of Colorado tested showerheads from across the country and determined that the fixtures harbor tiny bacteria which spray into your face when you shower. Technicians point out that someone using one of these contaminated showerheads would be literally taking a “cold shower.” In response to the study, doctors now recommend that everyone get a flu shot before taking a shower.

• Johnny Robish is a humor writer and former stand-up comic who lives on Kaua‘i. E-mail him at johnny@johnnyrobish.com.