When Dr. Christine Blasey Ford came forward with her story of attempted rape by Brett Kavanaugh, many women were thrown back to memories long buried and suppressed.
Sexual assault survivors, both female and male, understood at a visceral level why she didn’t say anything many years ago and understood what she was sacrificing by standing up now.
No one was surprised by the typical “excuses” and outright rejections of her story or minimized his behavior with trite sayings like, “boys will be boys,” or expressing concern about how many other men could falsely be brought down by similar allegations. The message this past week leading up to the hearing was clear: this is excusable behavior if you are a rich white boy/man.
The contrast in demeanor during the testimonies of Dr. Ford and Judge Brett couldn’t have been starker. Dr. Ford was polite, accommodating, yet firm in telling her story of being sexually assaulted. Her pain and anguish was evident and sexual assault survivors around the world were able to see themselves in her.
Whereas, the language, tone of voice, facial expressions and outright aggressive body language exhibited by Judge Kavanaugh and Sen. Lindsey Graham is textbook white-male-privilege-bullying behavior without any fear of retribution because the standards of behavior are different for them.
How else is their behavior deemed acceptable and — for some people — commendable? What would the reaction have been if Judge Kavanaugh were a black male?
Would Dr. Ford have elicited the same response if she showed anger at being a victim of a crime?
Their angry outbursts and portraying themselves to be the “real” victims simply reinforced for sexual assault survivors the risk of coming forward. The message that those in power, and their supporters, are sending to the women in America is that your experiences do not matter. The future of a powerful white male supersedes your feelings, your trauma, and your humanity.
This national moment, as gut-wrenching and triggering as it has been, can be a moment of true change and lead to a better understanding of the dynamics of sexual assault. True change would reflect a national dialogue focused on how he should have known better. Does he use alcohol as an excuse?
There would be more discussion about how men should respect women and their bodies at all times instead of the first reaction to sexual assault being to blame the victim. Was she drunk? Why didn’t she report sooner? She shouldn’t have been there in the first place or what did she expect?
The silver lining to this whole experience is that due to the fierce courage of Dr. Ford and many, many other survivors who are speaking up and standing up against this deeply disturbing facet of America’s moral fabric, is resulting in the norm fraying.
It’s been brought to the light and many people, women especially, are putting their foot down and demanding dignity, respect, and equality for women. Women are done waiting and hoping that men alone are going to make the necessary changes. Women are stepping up to run for office, speaking out in the streets, and voting. Women are telling their stories and refusing to be ashamed for being the victims of sexual assault.
Your YWCA of Kauai supports and believes victims of violence. If you need someone to talk to please don’t hesitate to call the 24-hour hotline at 245-4144 or 245-6362. Your call is confidential and we are here to listen and assist.
Whether you are a survivor or ally, one concrete thing every person can do to support women and their experiences is to vote. Elections are an opportunity for change. They are opportunities to lift up the voices that have been silenced or muffled.
Who do you want representing you, people who seek to silence women or people who support women’s voices?
#BelieveSurvivors
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Emiko Meyers is advocacy chair, and Renae Hamilton-Cambeilh is executive director, of the YWCA of Kauai.
Once again, myopic agenda driven simpletons “throwing the baby out with the bath water”. Just like in the case of “Black” lives matter at the expense of “All” lives matter, the author should have said “Everyone’s” voices should be heard and not silenced! The author should have added AFTER THE VOICES HAVE BEEN HEARD, THEY SHOULD BE BELIEVED ON THEIR MERITS AND WITH SOME FORM OF COOBERATION. ESPECIALLY IF ANOTHER HUMAN’S LIFE AND ENTIRE FAMILY’S HARD EARNED INGEGRITY ARE AT RISK, NOT FOR SOME OVERZEALOUS POLITICAL AGENDA!!!
I’ve heard that the Kauai YWCA is an activist grouping of angry individuals who have done more harm than good for our beautiful Island. They are saying It has long outlived it’s relevance! Does anyone know where they get their money? Perhaps an FBI Investigation is in order?
The author states regarding Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh’s demeaner that it was too “aggressive”! It/she states “What would the reaction have been if Kavanaugh were a Black male?”. With that statement alone the author looses all credibility! Any “aggressive” behavior in the defense of a well qualified individual and his family’s hard earned impeccable name and reputation is JUSTIFIED whether they’re Black or White! A name and reputation that was being smeared by a Psycho who has been in therapy her entire life trying to figure out who she is? A person who’s little girl voice reeks with deceit and who can’t remember anything that could solve the matter, but everything that can destroy a man’s life? All 4 people she claimed were there and could back her up signed felony affidavits stating they couldn’t remember any such gathering ever occurred, INCLUDING HER BEST FRIEND! You want us to believe an individual who didn’t go to the police for justice, but to POLITICIANS? Wasn’t it Clarence Thomas, a Black justice who was vilified by unsubstantiated “he assaulted me” claims by Anita Hill?? Wasn’t it Justice Thomas A BLACK MAN who glared, confronted and aggressively saved his nomination by attacking the Democrats for being a “lynch” mob out to lynch an “Uppity Black Man”!! Everything the author of this hit piece says is now tainted and any attempt at bent logic needs to be dismissed. This is the most ridiculous, disingenuous, self serving article for which the GI has ever given space. You should be ashamed of yourself!
Poor Oswald has reached his tipping point and it’s no wonder given all the conscious precautions an aging, white male has to take throughout the day. After all, he can never leave his drink unattended, he has to wear bland clothing, no makeup, and never, never any shorts if he wants to keep away unwanted attention! And then there’s the constant arranging of escorts, especially to one’s car, after dark and after work. That is, if he is brave enough to be out after dark. It’s terrible what the aging white male is forced to do and just so unfair when you consider the free, carefree lives of young, male blacks and Hispanics. Poor Oswald has to sweat out routine traffic stops that could mean life or death. Security guards always follow him in stores. He’s constantly stopped on the sidewalk and asked about his citizenship. When he turns on the TV news he sees the actual president making overt as well as dog whistle style remarks and jokes about aging, white males. It’s a wonder Oswald ever leaves his house!
Aloha Kakou,
Aloha Ms. Renae Hamilton-Cambeilh,
We’re pretty sure you will read your article as it is set up here in the paper today…
Thus we are sure you should note that one of the advertisements inserted between your paragraphs is an ad that is clearly a sexually oriented photo of an attractive female scantily clad and in an alluring if not erotic yoga or martial arts pose. However going back to the article a second time, this ad is replaced, or rotated with a different picture of a male counterpart. It was yesterday in another article.
Being a woman, perhaps you may not see it as such. But if you were to have circulating in your blood stream the same amount of the hormone Testosterone as most men do, you would see this as a sexually oriented advertisement meant to attract the attention of most men and some women to an advertisement for some sort of berry intended for weight loss. However the attraction is sexual and the makers of the ad are well aware of its greater impact on some people.
Good on the ad, even better for weight loss, but it does reflect on our society as to how open we treat sexuality. In fact due to age limit laws we do not want youth under 18 to even engage in sexual activity on the one hand while encouraging liberal sexuality on the other with ads like this and zillions of others as well as dress today in young people especially in large cities where it appears like competition to outdue each other in wild and crazy dress.
What we think you are saying is men should not make unwanted physical advances on women, all the while men are often encouraged to do just that, make sexual advances, which in the long run and Grand Design of the Creator is to perpetuate the population of the human race.
How are men being encouraged at least in the common social party scene, such as the case for Dr. Blasey, but maybe not in the particular case of Dr. Blakey, are the 3 things that are often if not usually prevalent: 1.) Testosterone, the male sex hormone, provided by the Creator of the male body, for the intended role of the male in society, 2.) the common also well advertised use of alcohol of every brand, flavor, type…and strength; and the side effect of which causes increase in libido, and decrease in inhibition, all leading to greater sexual advancements by one person on another, or each other, 3.) add to that the female modern attire, for some women, which includes open partial display of breasts, butt, and low end tummy’s bordering on the pubic region. Of course this is not all women, nor men, but it takes only going to parties or bars to see this common 3 entity Perfect Storm of Pre-sexual activity, which in some cases, due to extreme personal nature has been apparently unacceptable in some cases to one member of a at least what we could call initially friendly partnering, that in many cases leads to unwanted further advancement by only one member of a duo, usually the sexually ridden, if not “polluted” with testosterone, male in the room.
So how to prevent this raging storm brought about by the above 3 ingredients?
We suggest, literally and seriously, a common signification to be worn by the people who do not in any way want to have to deal with any unwanted touching, sexual advancements, or activity.
It is well known in some parts of the world that where homes are located well off the road that people use a signification at the beginning of their driveway, a signification that lets others know they are not accepting visitors. They have 2 sticks or boards that can be swiveled to form an “X” indicating NOT NOW, or aligning the sticks into a straight up and down as in an ”I” meaning Come On In.
We propose that any person not wanting the hassle of putting off others aggressiveness to wear an “X” shaped jewelry, pendant, or necklace or screen print of any noticeable size or value signifying “Hands Off”…which a wedding ring should signify for any married person…but single people could begin the NO HASSLE ME generation ‘s putting a stop to this apparent aggravation; or let it be known the police will be called now, not in 40 years.
As one may know there is cause an effect. The 3 Causes above can result in serious effects, from true or fake allegations, police investigations, criminal charges, to Senate Hearings, and pregnancy. The Sensible things to do is remove any or all of the 3 above causes, though the Creator will not want male hormone disruption, but the other 2 parts are by choice.
Clearly if you remove the Cause there will not be unwanted effects, that applies to Disease, or the Me Too complaints. Any effort after the problems happens is Treatment and never the best course of action as the side effects are usually worse than the original problem. In this Supreme Court “case”, both the accusor and the accusee have been ravaged and humiliated.
Mahalo,
Charles
What are you Charlie? Are you the poster boy for some new “#they really are just asking for it” movement?
Time for the #HETOO Movement. Every man who has been falsely accused of sexual assault by a woman should come forward and name their accusers!
Unbelievable!! So any time a woman accuses a man of sexual abuse or rape, the man is guilty whether it’s true or not? Dr. Ford couldn’t even say where or when it happened. Why doesn’t Feinstein make public her lie detector test. Passing judgment before really knowing the all the facts is scary. Guilty until proven innocent… wow, that’s a very slippery slope!
Malarkey! It was all about the naming of a 5th majority-making conservative on SCOTUS. On that basis, the weapons were drawn on both sides; any and all weapons. Collateral damage to innocents be damned!
I repeat:
“Let the jury consider their verdict,” the King said, for about the twentieth time that day.
“No, no!” said the Queen. “Sentence first–verdict afterwards.”
“Stuff and nonsense!” said Alice loudly. “The idea of having the sentence first!”
“Hold your tongue!” said the Queen, turning purple.
“I won’t!” said Alice.
“Off with her head!” the Queen shouted at the top of her voice.
— Lewis Carroll, “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland”
So just how would you ladies respond if you thought you were being judged guilty of an ugly crime based on a single accusation from 30+ years ago? What of the presumption of innocence that is a hallmark principle of our rule of law? Had Kavanaugh responded in a cool, dispassionate way you all would be calling him calculating, calloused & uncaring etc. So…heads you win, tails I loose seems to be the order of the day.
RG DeSoto
That day was extremely difficult for me and millions of other survivors of sexual assault. As usual, women blamed as somehow having “asked for it.” Right, just like I ask to get hit by a car every time I ride my bicycle.
You sound like a misandrist and racist. Every assumption you are making is men and race hating and not based in truth. No one is excusing bad behavior by anyone. Your perception of the testimonies of Ford and Kavanaugh are the opposite of mine. Clarence Thomas was a black person who was accused of sexual harassment and he was confirmed. Women’s experiences do matter. They are our grandmothers, mothers, wives, aunts, daughters, sisters, cousins, veterans and fellow Americans.
???🦑
Why do people like Emiko Meyers insist on doing so much damage to women by writing these sorts of articles? Having spent time volunteering in women’s shelters I’ve personally witnessed the life slowly drained away from abused women leaving them with absolutely no self worth. I’ve witnessed incredible courage shown by these women to try to rebuild their lives after years of sexual and physical abuse. These types of writers are nothing other than political hacks that insult real survivors of abuse. Mrs. Ford has mental health issues and a political party decided to use her for political gains anyways regardless of the damage they may cause her. These political hacks represent no one but themselves and strong women are able to see right through them. We now have a new supreme court member that is a champion of women’s rights and a huge fan of Ginsburg. Be strong and make your voices heard!
Ms. Blasey-Ford was very credible. I believe her. The hatred and anger expressed by Mr. Kavanaugh showed him to be unqualified for the Supreme Court, even if the allegations against him had never been made.
America needs better sex education. Maybe it should be called something else, like “How to respect yourself and others.”
I hope women continue to “put their foot down and demand respect”.
However, the discussion can not be as one sided as #MeToo often seems to portray where Men are Evil and Women helpless victims.
Some sources claim that, even after his unhinged testimony, up to 69% of Republican Women support Kavanaugh. How can this be possible?
This article on Trump’s appeal included this quote.
https://www.lrb.co.uk/blog/2018/09/18/eli-zaretsky/the-mass-psychology-of-trumpism/
“On the Access Hollywood tape, which was widely assumed would finish him, Trump was giving voice to a common enough daydream, but with ‘greater force’ and greater ‘freedom of libido’ than his followers allow themselves. And he was bolstering the narcissism of the women who support him, too, by describing himself as helpless in the grip of his desires for them.”
In other words, some women apparently like living in a male-dominated world where they can use their “feminine ways”. Talk about “mixed signals”. How do we bridge the gap?
“The message this past week leading up to the hearing was clear: this is excusable behavior if you are a rich white boy/man.”
Hardly. “Feminism’s greatest victories have only reinforced in everyone that society still owes women provision, protection, help and support just because they’re women. In its collective dismissal and abandonment of male victims of domestic violence, it only reinforces in men that it’s pointless to ask for help, because men’s needs are of no relevance, and their fear and pain don’t mean anything to anyone. Feminism teaches us to put women’s need at the forefront of every single issue, political or social. Whether that issue is domestic violence law, sexual assault law, institutional sexism, social safety net, education funding, homeless shelters.” Men are the disposable gender.
Rape or sexual assault is a violent crime and a felony. Provide proof and evidence, and lock them up forever. On the other hand, “accusations” destroy not only the man’s/boy’s life, but the family as well, with little repercussions, and lessens the credibility of future bona-fide rape cases. Ford was a power-play for the supreme court. More of something you would watch on the “Bravo Channel”.